Monday, May 17, 2010

The Adventures of Afro Man and Disco Girl (Exerpt)

"Ahhh!!!!! We're being attacked by 1985!" the blond woman screamed as she saw the flamboyantly dressed man rush into the bank.
"That's right! This is a hold up!" shp shp the sound the activator made as he sprayed his dripping wet curls. He ran and jumped on top of the bank counter (split!) his tight red leather pants ripped and the crowd was surprised at the revelation of a pink thong. "I'm Jheri Curl and I'm robbing this joint." He sprayed the teller in the eyes with his activator, "Now fill this bag with the dough lady and make it quick, I got a hair appointment."
Meanwhile in a studio apartment uptown dancing to the sounds of Gloria Gaynor was the infamous, Afro Man and Disco Girl. "This is a radio interruption. On the corner of 18th street and Penn is a bank robbery in progress. The police are outside of the premises trying the negotiate with the man describe as a tall thin black man, wearing a tight red leather suit and dripping hair...."
"Jheri Curl!" Afro Man and Disco Girl said in unison. "Lets head down there quick!" Disco girl swung her long blond hair, and ran to the 1976 rusty orange Ford Pinto and Afro Man followed closely behind.
Upon arriving at the scene, Afro Man and Disco Girl notified the police that they were very familiar with the suspect and had everything under control. Despite the police protests, Disco Girl threw her shiny silver disco ball and the bank door swung open. "I'm Disco Girl!" She jumped in in, her rainbow color mini dress with bright colored sequins glimmered blinding many of the customers.
"And I'm Afro Man!" Afro man jumped next to Disco girl in his tight stonewashed jeans and tie die shirt, "Where's the culprit?"
They was directed to an older gray haired gentleman in a suit holding Jheri Curl. "Release!" screamed Afro Man as he threw his black power afro pick, the sharp metal comb stung the gray-haired gentleman in the neck, causing him to release Jheri Curl and grab his neck in agonizing pain. Jheri Curl ran out of the bank with his large bag of money.
"You idiots!" someone screamed
"We had him, and you let him get away!" screamed an angry bystander
"Well I'm Disco Girl!" she swung her blond hair and stood tall with her arms folded, "and I'm Afro Man" he put his back to Disco Girl. "And you're welcome for our service!"

Hi everyone, thanks for reading an exerpt from my story "The Adventures of Afro Man and Disco Girl." This is a tale about two 1970s "superheros" trying to defeat a 1980's villian in the modern day. I really would like for this to be a comic, but I'm not an artist. If you are willing to collaborate with me please contact me at (and follow). Hope you enjoyed this.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Sexology 101

Sex Tip 101: Drink warm tea before going down on your significant other.

Thats what I told my friend that asked me for sex advice. Apparently this crap I was thinking off the top of my head worked, because she called me asking me for more advice.

Sex Tip 102: Despite the position, arch your back

I'm sure I didn't make this stuff up myself, I know I've read it somewhere in the past. I can't possibly be an expert. I'm not even having sex!

Sex Tip 103: Masturbate during sex

I mean this is just common sense right. If your man isn't pleasing you, please yourself. It cuts down the cheating rates, I guess.

Sex Tip 104: While giving head (I'm sure that's the proper medical terminology) look him dead in the eyes.

I am assuming this makes you look more confident, like you actually know what you're doing. It could also make it look like you've done this way too many times before.

Sex Tips 105: Tell him he's the best you've ever had while you're having sex

You know men need an ego boost. Maybe he'll work extra hard to please you.

At this point, she is really into it. "Oh my God, tell me more. I want to try this stuff tonight." I am out of ideas because I've been celibate since Aug. I mean I haven't tried half this stuff myself, but she's always telling me how great my advice is and I didn't want to ruin my reputation (rethinking last statement).

Sex Tip 109: While on top do 8 strokes to tip only, very fast. Then 4 long slow strokes to entire shaft.

Yes at this point I am getting specific, and well - horny. I cut the conversation to a quick halt. She will be getting some tonight, but not me. My husband's in Iraq, and the toy I have is going to take away my husband's flame when he returns, and we don't want that.

"Ok, just one more before you go." she says. Is she getting off on this? This is the most action I've had in months.

Sex Tip 110: Pop in a porno, and play it during sex. The sexual moans and groans of other people is intoxicating.

"DialTone" and then the sounds that produce intoxication begin to play.

A Poor Man's Career (Do You Concur?)

I'm writing this in the middle of my studying, which is not going very well. I cannot get into it, because it does not interest me. When I decided to go back to college, I chose a science major because I knew I would have a better chance at a career that included getting paid. Needless to say - I'M BORED!

Artsy people like myself know that "art" is an investment career. Some of us don't have anything to invest. Whether your art is painting, photography, acting, music, or writing... well lets face it - Those are "Poor Man Careers" it takes money to make money in those fields, and well if you have obligations (and no money), POW! And good luck!

Ok, ok there are a lucky few of us that make it. Some of us make it big too. I don't know any of those people personally, but I do own a television.

I've noticed since I have started studying science, I've become more serious, I say "I concur" and I invent really big words to make myself sound more intelligent. I am so out of my element. Adding to me feeling out of place is the fact that I am one of the few Americans in my classes. Everyone around me is speaking in their dialect and I am sitting there playing drums with my pencil. People are turned off by sense of humor, and everyone is so damn serious! Do you concur?

My health is also starting to fade, headaches everyday because I'm trying to study stuff I just do not understand. Science is going to kill me. Science is a villian, and art is the superhero! Save me ART!

Confession time, in high school I kissed up to my Biology teacher, played on the fact that she dated my uncle. I went from a "F" in her class to a "B" never studied. I was even excused from dissecting the frog, I got to dissect one on the computer instead. Chemisty with Ms. Sheffield, I cheated. I sat in the back and cheated off of a young girl named Melanie. I slept through the lectures, or daydreamed. Often drawing pictures on my desk. So what the hell am I doing majoring in science? uh.... I can't even answer that.

All jokes aside, I'm hoping my studies in science will help me reach my goal of becoming a successful writer, and in the end science will be defeated by art. I will use my scientific knowledge to write a great novel. Look forward to it. Otherwise look forward to my lifelong career in a white labcoat turning into a lifetime in a white straightjacket. Do you concur?

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The Adventures of Afro Man and Disco Girl by S. B. Robinson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.